How do you humanize someone bent on dehumanizing you?
Grace and peace to you.
I haven't written in a long, long time. I didn't really feel moved to write, to be honest. My leg was healing, it was an uncomfortably hot summer, though I spent most of it in a chair, I have 3 grandkids that need (and deserve!) attention - they are so cute! And I had a lot of anxiety around the election.
Now I have anxiety about our democracy. But I don't think I can do anything about that. I need to focus in on those I love.
The question that is bothering me, on my behalf and my family's (and yours, and theirs) is this: how do we humanize someone intent on dehumanizing us?
I don't know the answer to that question. I am going to be struggling with that for a long time, because back when women were more dehumanized than we have been lately, I was too young to realize it. Now I fear for my granddaughters.
I am also white, and I know that my friends of color have experienced this for generations, to a degree I can only begin to fathom. So, forgive me, please, for my whining. My intent is to be an ally, and I start by recognizing that this isn't new to you.
Believe me when I tell you my mind is happy to take me to dark places, and I am not at all sure what the world in general and the U.S. specifically will look like when Donald Trump leaves office. I am not living in a war zone - yet. I feel, as a woman, that my value has just been demeaned, and I am not childless, but I do have cats, and as a post-menopausal woman I am helping with childcare. because I want to, not because some male chauvinist says that is my only role in the world. And there it is - the dark place of anger and hatred.
How will I cope? I've been thinking about how I can be subversive. "Subversive" means tending or intending to overthrow, destroy or undermine an established or existing, especially a legally constituted government or set of beliefs (SUBVERSIVE Definition & Meaning | Dictionary.com. 11 November, 2024). I am not going to overthrow or destroy, or even undermine our legally constituted government. No - I set out to undermine an existing set of beliefs, that women, people of color, immigrants, the disabled, the LGBTQ+ community are somehow less valuable than white men.
I have come up with three ways:
I have said that I think that this country needs a paradigm shift and that the shift would be painful. We are, I believe, in the midst of that shift and it is painful to many of us. That we are shifting our paradigm gives me hope. And hope is subversive.
Have you ever watched the Late Show with Stephen Colbert? Sometimes he has guests complete the Colbert Questionnaire. One of the questions is, "What is your favorite smell?" I've decided that mine is the smell of Christmas trees, and we are heading into the Christmas season. The smell of fir and balsam will bring me joy, and joy is subversive. Other small things that bring me joy:
the smell of turkey roasting
snowflakes
the color of autumn leaves
sharing an apple with my llama, Gabe
kitty cuddles
the feeling of clean sheets on my toes
chocolate
coffee first thing in the morning
other stuff but I think that is enough for now.
I have so many things to love: my family (have I mentioned my grandkids?), my home, my farm, my friends. Love is very subversive, especially in this time of hate. I am going to work hard not to dehumanize those who I think are dehumanizing me - that requires love. I can at least love their humanity.
I will not allow the patriarchy to steal my hope, joy and love. Hard as they might try. I also won't let them steal the hope, joy and love of my daughters and granddaughters.
In 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, Paul writes:
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (NIV)
Hope and love are on my list. Faith isn't there - or is it?
God created the world to be a place of abundance. All people were invited to flourish and be joyful (my words - don't look for them in the Bible). When Jesus was born the angel said to the shepherds, Behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. (Luke 2:10, KJV)
To be joyful in the times of Roman occupation required a deep faith - that God was, indeed, with the people - I am thinking of the phrase, "God, with us" but I think that might be from Handel's Messiah. The angels said, "all people," not some people. The joy was available to the Romans, too, if they would open their hearts to it.
Anyway, the things that make me joyful are all gifts from God, so I will find God present with me in the small things, since so many powerful people seem bent on convincing us that God is with them and not the rest of us. Small things convince me that God is still here, and that is faith. So logically, joy = faith.
When despair hits, as it did this week, focus in. Find your joy/faith, hope and love, and know that you are being subversive as you do that. When your emotions are a little more manageable, focus out. Let us not stop fighting for each other. Keep fighting for those on the margins. Keep loving your neighbor, as hard as it might be. Don't dehumanize others, even when they insult, demean, and dehumanize you. It is time to undermine some existing sets of beliefs.
As Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr said, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” Together we can drive out the darkness and the hate, but only if we find ways to humanize everyone.
Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that
P.S. Last Christmas our book group read The First Advent in Palestine: Reversals, Resistance, and the Ongoing Complexity of Hope by Kelley Nikondeha. I think I will read it again this year - with all that is going on in the world, I find it helpful to remember that Jesus was born into a complex, violent world, too. I am also reading Dark Night of the Soul by Saint John of the Cross, translated by Mirabai Starr. Both seem to be worth reading right now.
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